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Semi-live blogging the Bachelor, Part 1.

Hi peeps. I’m watching the Bachelor: On the Wings of Love (TBOTWOL) as we speak (I got home late from work so had to start watching it late, blast!) and was compelled to start blogging immediately because I’m already so deliciously intrigued and creeped out by the whole thing.  I’m gonna chase this feeling. Anyway, I won’t be able to blog this whole thing tonight because I gotta go to bed before it’s over, so this will be in two installments. Double the fun!

Let’s get right into it.  First of all, Rosslyn. Doesn’t she seem like she could be cast as the evil, beautiful, anorexic witch in any number of movies? The girl oozes cattiness and seems super duplicitous. She also seems like she’d lure children into her cottage and then eat them. I don’t know, I’m just getting a serious witch vibe from her.

Second, Allie and Jake’s flying date.  First things first: THEY ACTUALLY PLAYED “ON THE WINGS OF LOVE” DURING THE FLIGHT. Incredible. Anyway, Allie’s cute, I guess. She’s obviously not actually normal because she’s on The Bachelor, but I guess she’s relatively normal, for the show. Not a super high bar, considering that Michelle McCrazy (“I’m not ordinary like the other women”) is the competition, but still.  Next observation: was their kiss at dinner super weird or was it just me? They just held their mouths together but didn’t, like, move their mouths at all. They just smooshed their mouths together for an awkwardly long time. It made me feel awkward. That aside, I thought it was pretty cute that they went to a Chicago concert, although I’m not sure that band can actually be called Chicago now that Peter Cetera is gone, but I guess that’s a whole ‘nother kettle of fish. I bet Allie didn’t even know who Chicago was. Kids these days!

Random question: does anyone else get kind of an intense polygamist vibe when Jake is holding hands with more than one girl at the same time? Hey, maybe ABC should make all these women sister-wives so they can just share Jake instead of fighting over him. Everyone wins!

So, most awkward moment during group date number 2: when Elizabeth read her crazy-sounding, yet quite obviously disingenuous, letter to Jake telling him not to kiss her until she’s the last girl standing. Poor strategic move, if you ask me. Jake may claim to be an old-fashioned guy but I have a suspicion that his old-fashionedness only goes so far, if you know what I’m saying. I mean, let’s be honest, this show is fundamentally about sloppy, uncomfortable-to-watch make-out sessions under waterfalls and/or in hot tubs, followed by desperate, impersonal sex. And I kinda don’t think Jake is going to be the exception to that rule. But we’ll see, I guess.

Okay, so I strongly dislike Elizabeth. She’s terrible. Ugh, she’s so gross and manipulative. The whole, cutesy “Don’t kiss me! But don’t you want to kiss me?” thing is already extremely old, and it’s been like a minute. Pech.

So, at the beginning of the episode, I thought that maybe Michelle’s craziness had faded since the first episode, but it clearly hasn’t. Whew. For example, when that one girl interrupted her alone time with Jake, Michelle had that crazy astronaut look in her eyes.  She seems like the type who would know her way around a pair of adult diapers and some mace.

Ohhhh, so now stuff’s going down with Rosslyn! She got caught having an affair with a staff member. This is awesome! I knew I didn’t trust her! Didn’t I call this at the beginning of the post?! I so did.

Here’s the thing about this whole snafu, though. We all know that this entire show is a big ball of crap — I mean, it’s not actually about “love,” and the girls don’t actually know Jake any better than they know some random staff member. That doesn’t make it right, of course. It’s obviously super skanky that Rosslyn is screwing some staffer whom she just met on a cheezy reality show. However, it’s not like there’s any real, deep betrayal here. If Jake has two brain cells to rub together, he wouldn’t end up with some creepazoid like Rosslyn anyway, because she’s so transparently manipulative. Then again, he just said he thought Rosslyn “could be the one.” Hmmm… I can’t tell if he is actually that stupid and naive or if he’s a better actor than his IMDB profile would suggest. Oh, Jake, you’re such a mystery.

Okay, I’m off to bed. To be continued!

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Comments

  1. * Alastair says:

    Excellent use of ‘pech.’

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 7 months ago
    • * eteffi says:

      I learned from the master.

      | Reply Posted 7 years, 7 months ago


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