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Bachelor Road Trip, part 2.

And we’re back. It’s time for the group date with Kathryn and Ella, both of whom are bummed about it.  I kinda see where they’re coming from: the three-way date is super-duper awkward. The three of them are sitting around a tiny round table with a red-and-white-checked tablecloth and glasses of wine while Ella grills Jake on what he wants in a relationship while Kathryn awkwardly plays with her hair and tries to break into the conversation, but is mercilessly steamrolled by Ella.

Now Ella and Jake are out back, sitting under a blanket, having a deep convo.  Jake tells her, “If I’m not absolutely sure, I don’t want to keep you from Ethan” (her son). Ouch. Ella, take the hint: go home to your kid! I’m sorry, I’m still not over the fact that her kid is sitting at home while she’s off snuggling with Jake on TV.

And now for Kathryn, the poor man’s Carrie Underwood, as my friend Claire calls her. First thing out of her mouth is to accuse Jake of ignoring her when the other girls are around, which seems sort of true. He seems sufficiently cowed.

Now Jake has to decide who gets the rose and who gets axed. Prediction: he sends Ella packing…

Yep! He takes her out back and pulls a Bachelor version of Old Yeller on her, telling her that he has developed stronger feelings for “some of the other women.” OUCH. It has to hurt to hear that the guy you’re wooing likes several other women more than he likes you.

Then he comes back in and axes Kathryn, too. Oh my GOSH. I didn’t see that coming at all. Kathryn sort of grovels and says she doesn’t understand, and then tells him he’s making a mistake and looks at him pleadingly as he gently leads her to the car. Jeez, Kathryn, hold your head up and get into the dang car. Try to keep some scrap of dignity intact, whatever little you have left after going on The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love.

*Dramatic throwing-rose-into-fire scene!*

The other girls realize that both Kathryn and Ella are going home and some of them start crying. Crying? Really? Get a grip, ladies!

Cocktail party time. Corrie gets alone time with Jake first and asks him in a baby voice whether she makes him feel nervous or awkward, and he says no. Oh, the baby voice kills me. Make it stop! Corrie is really pretty; why is she doing the baby voice? Ugh.

Ali seems like a take-charge kinda girl, but not necessarily in a fake/scary way, a la Vienna. I just feel like you don’t mess with Ali.

Who the hell is Jessie? Is she the new Valishia? I feel like she has never spoken on camera before. She’s cute, though, and I like that she spills the beans about Vienna bragging about crashing cars and having her daddy buy her new ones. Ew.

ROSE CEREMONY!!! Eeeek!!!

Jake seems like he’s choking up. Lots of unnecessary tears being shed tonight by one and all! Okay, here we go. Ali gets the first rose. Not a shocker. Corrie gets rose number two. Hmm.  Now Jake really looks like he’s struggling to keep it together. What the heck? Oooh, he’s taking a “minute” to go outside. Maybe this is when he dramatically throws a rose into the fire, for the second time?

Jake asks the host if he has to give out two more roses, since he is only “sure” about keeping one girl. If he is sure about Vienna, I am going to reach through the TV and slap him.

So, the host comes out and announces to the women that two of them will be going home, and he takes one of the roses away. You could cut the tension with a knife, obviously.

And he picks VIENNA. What is wrong with this man? Oh, this is just ridiculous. I’m pretty sure this was all manufactured by the producers, though, right? There’s no way that any man in his right mind could be this stupid, even bimbo Jake. Come on! He then tells Jessie that she has a “beautiful heart” and that he appreciated her advice about Vienna and “heard every word.” He heard it but evidently ignored it.

Meanwhile, Ali looks like she wants to cut someone. Seriously.

Jessie seems like a cool chick. I am sad that Jake let her go, and sad that I never realized she was on the show before 10 minutes ago. Bummer.

Ooh, I’m excited for next week because I am pretty sure that’s when Jake starts sleeping with all the women. Old-fashioned, schmold-fashioned, I say.

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