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Joysey Shore

Jersey Shore is back for a THIRD season and I am ALL over it, y’all.  I’ll admit, I didn’t have high hopes for this season at first. You know, the concept’s kinda played out, the original cast are all celebrities now so the “realness” is gone, Snooki’s focusing on her literary career so she probably can’t devote herself full time to getting punched in the face in bars, etc. But I have to say, the first episode of season 3 exceeded my (admittedly quite low) expectations. Part of this was thanks to the introduction of a new character, self-described “blast in a glass” Deana, Snooki’s BFF. Deana is like a more annoying, drunker clone of Snooki, but you sort of root for her anyway, because she immediately clashes with Sami, who is what I like to call a big ol’ See You Next Tuesday.*

So the central drama in the season so far is between the nice girls in the house (JWoww, Snooki and Deana) and Sami, who manages to simultaneously be a doormat for Roidface Ronny AND a huge b**** to everyone else in the house. She’s also boring and her voice KILLS me. But enough about her. Let’s talk about episode 2.

So, 14 minutes into the show, we see two girls making out (sigh) followed by Snooki saying, quite matter-of -factly, that she will “hide in a bush,” “pee in a bush” or even “poop in a bush.” And you know what? I don’t really have anything to say about that. I was wracking my brain trying to think of something witty to follow that up with, and nope. Nothin’.

Not a whole lot happens in this episode. There’s an uneventful trip to Karma, and a whole lot of angsty staring and sighing by Sami. The main drama occurs when Sami and Ronny decide to blow off Sunday/family dinner to go to a painful dinner a deux, where they sit over plates of swordfish and stare angstily at each other.  Then they come back to the house, where they’re confronted by Pauly D about why they blew off dinner. And, if I didn’t hate Sami before for being AWFUL (which I did), I’d definitely hate her after hearing her say “I could care less” about not attending family dinner. I mean, first of all, you don’t miss family dinner. You just don’t. Second of all, if you COULD care less, that means you care a little bit, you stupid cow.

So anyway. That was it. Pretty anti-climactic. These kids really need to bring it next week to make up for this dud of an episode. I mean, I’m expecting some serious dramz – either someone needs to get smushed in the hot tub or someone needs to punch someone else in the face or someone needs to get arrested on the boardwalk or SOMETHING. Half-hearted cat fights where Sami only loses one extension just aren’t gonna cut it. Don’t let me down, Jersey Shore.

* Clever phrase courtesy of my friend Yohanca.

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