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Bachelor Brad, Episode 3 – part 1!

Bachelor episode 3 is on, and I’m actually watching it on time this week! I am going to blog this in two installments, since the show is two hours long, which is, of course, ridiculous. Here we go.

First thoughts, right off the bat: Michelle, we GET IT. You’re nuts. You don’t need to lay the crazy on QUITE so thick. It’s kinda overkill.

Ashley S.’s date: they go to Capitol Records and, inexplicably, record a cover of Kiss From a Rose, by Seal, one of the most unapologetically cheesy songs in the entire universe. AMAZING. I am being completely serious when I say that this would be my dream date. Ashley S. is terrified and doesn’t want to do it, for good reason – she can’t carry a tune in the bucket, and neither can Brad. But I do like that she was a good sport about this admittedly bizarre date and just put it all out there. But wow, yeah, she can’t sing.

Oh em gee, Ashley and Brad get to watch Seal (*the* Seal) perform for them! Okay, now the date is cool. Obviously Brad likes Ashley a lot more than Jackie, who was stuck listening to Train on her date.

After Seal, Ashley and Brad have dinner on the roof and Ashley tells Brad about her dad dying – bummer – as Brad strokes her leg. Nice. S’wanyway, they make out and dance to Seal and then Ashley get a rose.

Group date: twelve girls + Brad film an “action movie.” Side note: I love that Alli’s job description is an “apparel merchant,” which is obviously code for salesgirl at Forever 21. This is akin to a garbageman describing himself as a “waste management specialist,” or a babysitter describing herself as a “child development consultant,” am I right? Also, just realized that there is a Chantal and a Shawntel. And both are white. Anyway, Shawntel, who is a funeral director, really goes for it and makes out with Brad during her scene, and this throws Michelle over the edge, who promises to give Brad a “sensual” and “slippery” kiss when it’s her turn. Gag!

Chantal (not Shawntel) really lets the crazy out during her alone time with Brad, bawling and telling him that every time she feels “special” with him, she feels bad because she realizes that other people in the house are experiencing that specialness as well. Yeah, hon, that’s what happens when you go on a seventeen-way date for several weeks. Get used to it. Then she tells Brad about how her dad died. Uh, am I sensing a pattern here? Is telling your dead dad story the new “what’s your sign?”

So while Alli is talking to Brad, Michelle *super creepily* sneaks up behind them and tells Brad she needs to talk to him, and Brad actually excuses himself from his conversation with Alli to go stand on the balcony with Michelle. Oh, Brad, you’re so stupid. So cute. Yet so stupid. Michelle then brings up her daughter and cries some crocodile tears (another pattern on this show, I’m noticing) and Brad ends up making out with her. SO DUMB, BRAD. So dumb.

Brad gives the rose to Chantal. Wow, I guess bawling all over a guy can pay off after all! Why doesn’t my boyfriend give me a rose every time I cry irrationally? No fair!

Emily’s date with Brad involves getting in a plane and flying to wine country — unfortunate choice of mode of transportation, since her fiance died in a plane crash. Awkward. She doesn’t say anything to Brad about it, though. In fact, she acts really cagey during the date and avoids talking about her dead fiance, her daughter, all that jazz. Then, they eat dinner in a barn, as you do, and she finally lets the cat out of the bag. I think they both handled this “difficult conversation” well, and, surprise surprise, Emily gets a rose, and they make out. So, at this point, if you’re a girl in the house and you haven’t played tonsil hockey with Brad, you should probably worry. Just saying.

Stay tuned, installment 2 of episode 3 coming after the jump!

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Comments

  1. * Alastair says:

    So V day is coming up. Would you prefer a rose-for-tears agreement or a private concert with Seal? Or just chocolates?

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago
  2. * eteffi says:

    All three, please.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago
  3. * Margie Early says:

    Stop capping on Train, already

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago


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