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Bachelor Brad, Episode 3 – part 2.

And we’re back. We get to see Brad talking with his therapist/dating coach (?) about being “vulnerable.” Sigh. Brad says he now feels an “intense connection” with Emily after their date, and there is a dramatic pause as he stares off into the distance, letting the intensity of the connection sink in, apparently. Foreshadowing much, ABC? If Emily is not one of the last two women standing on this show, I will be shocked. Shocked, I tell ya!

Quick comment on the commercials airing during this show: um, when did Susan Sarandon start doing milk commercials? Seriously, Susan? Are things that bad? I can’t decide if this is more or less sad than fat Luke Wilson doing AT&T commercials. Kind of a toss up.  Other mystifying commercials that aired during this broadcast: an ad for Scientology (whoa boy), and an ad for a pill called Beyaz, which is apparently birth control invented by Beyonce. I’d take that.

Back to the show: Alli, the “apparel merchant” gets some alone time with Brad and tells him about her “trust issues” caused by her dad’s infidelity and illegitimate child. Snore. Sorry, Alli, dead dad trumps cheating dad under the well-established rules of “opening up” on the Bachelor.  Have your dad die in a tragic plane crash and then we’ll talk.

Brad comes back into the cocktail party after talking to Alli and Michelle physically gloms onto him and starts talking to him in a baby voice – NEVER a good thing. Brad brushes her off and pulls Chantal aside, who smiles smugly. So Chantal and Brad are talking and, shocker, Crazy Michelle pops up and pulls Brad away. And he goes! Seriously, guys, is there a rule on this show where the Bachelor is contractually obligated to go with every girl that comes up to “pull him away” for alone time? It’s pretty wearisome, especially when people like Crazy Michelle insist on “stealing” Brad every couple of minutes.

So Crazy Michelle tells Brad that they are in their “first fight” because he kissed other girls. “Explain yourself,” she says. She’s really not making an effort to hide the psychosis, is she? Brad, being the dim bulb that he is, comments that he “loves” that Michelle is “playful” and that she really wants his time. Gross.

During her alone time with Brad, Madison (aka vampire girl) pops out her fangs and tells Brad she is struggling. Brad tells her that if he offers her a rose, she doesn’t have to accept it. Ooh, burn, Brad.

Then Ashley H., wearing a slutty lace shirt, sits down with Brad and tells him that if he doesn’t feel the “same way” about her that she feels about him, she wants to go home. Brad rewards Ashley H. for being a mopey b**** by making out with her. Hm.

Rose ceremony: Dipshit Brad gives Crazy Michelle the first rose. Oh. My. GOSH. This is kinda like when Jake Pavelka was blinded by Vienna’s, um, beauty and couldn’t see that she was a crazy bee. Brad, you dummy! You’re following in the stupid, short footsteps of Jake Pilot Slash Actor Pavelka!

Ooh, so Chantal gets the second rose, and then Madison storms off set. Oh please. Save the dramz for your momz, Madison.  Brad comes out to talk to her and Madison says she wants to go home, and Brad “commends” her for walking away. Huh?! What the hell is going on on this show? This isn’t even interesting drama, it’s just confusing.

As always on the Bachelor, there are one or two girls that pop up during the rose ceremony that I swear I have NEVER seen before. Like Megan – where was she this whole time? Was she there?  Was she in the bathroom? Also, Stacy. Pretty sure she didn’t exist until two minutes ago.

I feel sad for Sarah P., who gets kicked off, because, not only does she look like a HOT mess, but she seems so genuinely sad. Aw, don’t fret, Sarah. There’s always next season.

That’s all for this week, peeps. See you next Monday!

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  1. * John says:

    Ugh intense connections don’t need to be awkwardly pondered, they just ARE brad.

    | Reply Posted 6 years, 5 months ago


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