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Bachelor Rehash

So, let’s just get the elephant out of the room right now and address the fact that I missed blogging the final Bachelor Brad episode.  I feel terrible, obviously. I know I let a lot of people down last week. But I had a good excuse: I was on vacation in Puerto Rico! And even though we all know I love the Bachelor franchise, I was just not prepared to take time out of my busy schedule of eating fried yucca and drinking Medalla beer to sit down and watch the two (or was it three? four?) hour Bachelor finale. So. Here we are.

I just watched the second half of the finale (where Brad proposes to Emily) and the After The Final Rose episode, and all I can say is “oy.” Clearly, these two are not gonna make it. That was sort of a foregone conclusion anyway, but I was surprised at how candid they were in discussing how poorly they’re doing. They were just like, “Yeah, we basically fight all the time and don’t really want to get married.” Damn, Gina.

The honesty was refreshing, since the usual protocol is to pull a Jake/Vienna: one second you’re slow dancing to “On the Wings of Love” and giving each other slutty promise rings, the next, you’re hurling insults at each other over Chris Harrison’s head. Actually, now that I’ve said that, I realize that the Jake/Vienna route is way more interesting (which is probably why the Bachelor franchise has now expanded to include Breakup Specials). I mean, to be honest, I enjoy the farcical aspect of these Bachelor relationships, especially the absolute denial of any discord up until the very second that the couple enters into a protracted Twitter war, accusing each other of being famewhore, rageaholic liars. It’s fun!

So anyway, Brad and Emily are pretty much dunzo, methinks. Speaking of which, I am still waiting for the other shoe to drop with Roberto and Ali. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, Ali – you should have picked Kirk.  But what’s done is done.

Anyway. Not much else to say about Brad and Emily, except that I hope Emily is shielding Lil’ Ricky Bobby from all of this nonsense. We’ll see what happens… in the meantime, we have what promises to be the most grating, shrill Bachelorette yet, Ashley H!  Can’t wait to hear her say the word “perf-ect” in that incredibly weird way like 5 million more times. Yippee.


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