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Dis-dash-ter!

Whoa, so has anyone else watched the Kim Kardashian Wedding Spectacle? I am just getting around to it now, and whoa, is it a mess. I mean, more of a mess than I anticipated. It actually is pretty compelling TV because it’s not just about a hugely wasteful, tasteless wedding – it’s about two people who appear to hate each other deciding, nonetheless, to marry.  It’s fascinating!

I think it’s fair to say that the Kardashians are inexplicably famous, but are genuinely talented at staying inexplicably famous.  It’s like, they’re talentless at everything in the world except self-promotion. And let’s not forget that the sole reason anyone in that family has their own show on E is because the eldest daughter, the buttalicious Kim, had sex with Brandy’s brother on tape. Let’s just not forget that, because I think periodically reflecting on that fact really adds some much-needed perspective to the Kardashempire.

This wedding show, though, is blowing my mind.  The premise is to show Kim and her hapless groom, Kris Humphries, prepare for matrimony and eventually walk down the long, diamond-encrusted aisle.  As someone who is getting married soon also, I can assure you that a Kardashian does not do wedding planning like a normal person. No, no – the Kardashian wedding planning process has many additional layers and complications.  Rather than going to a Vera Wang retailer and buying a dress, say, one must personally consort with Vera, and then “call a meeting” in Vera’s chambers so that family members can weigh in on which THREE dresses the bride should wear at her wedding.  Rather than merely hiring a caterer, one must have an audience with Wolfgang Puck, and receive folksy, slightly creepy European wisdom from him.  Rather than marrying for love, one must marry for some vague combination of fame, height, and professional sportsmanship.

 

What’s more disturbing to me than the utter ridiculousness of the wedding and all of its gross trappings is the fact that Kim and Kris don’t seem to know each other very well, nor do they seem to particularly like or care for each other.  Kim is by turns bitchy and icy to Kris, mercilessly making fun of him for growing up in a normal, middle-class home in Minnesota (which she referred to as “yee haw Minnesota” — it is quite possible that Kim thinks Minnesota is a city in Texas).  I’m really not sure how a seemingly nice enough Midwestern guy who has a charitable foundation for disadvantaged youth ended up with the likes of KK, but it happened. What’s weird is that Kris doesn’t seem to understand how it happened, either, and is constantly lamenting the fact that Kim is not more down to earth, nice, normal, loving, etc.  But Kim has been pretty up front with Kris about the fact that she’s a vapid, fame-whoring monster, so, um… something’s gotta give.

One of the most telling bits of the TV special was when one of Kris’s NBA friends gave a speech at the rehearsal dinner about when K and K first met.  This was, in Kim’s words, the speech that brought her “back down to Earth” and reminded her of why she was marrying Kris. But you know what the speech was about? It was about how Kris has become super materialistic and brand conscious since he and Kim got together. The guy ended the speech by telling Kim, “thank you for upgrading my boy.” Uh. Romantic?

The episode tried to smooth over the obvious animosity between K and K by chalking it up to Kim being sad about her dad being dead, but those underlying issues are still there.  But the good news is, I bet the A Very Special Kardashian Divorce will be amazing!

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Comments

  1. * Carrie says:

    Agreed. It seemed really tragic. Two other things that I thought were sad. When Kris said something about how Kim wanted to have her dream wedding – and who the guy was didn’t matter. About 100% accurate. Also, her family does not seem to like him at all! Booo. On a “Kris Humphries is awesome” note – love love loved it when he asked Kris Jenner if she had ever been to the Minnesota State Fair! Her reaction was utter horror!

    | Reply Posted 5 years, 8 months ago
  2. * eteffi says:

    Yes! When he said something like, “I feel like I’m just a roadblock to Kim’s dream wedding,” he was dead-on. Seriously, how long do you think it’ll be until they divorce? A month?

    | Reply Posted 5 years, 8 months ago


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