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Bachelor in Switzerland, Part 2

Still slogging through the Bachelor over here. At least it’s time for Courtney’s date. Her evilness always livens things up a bit, doesn’t it?

Courtney shows up in Switzerland and makes weird facial expressions and she and Ben take a train somewhere. Then Ben teaches Courtney about Swiss culture by leading her into a bakery and letting her point at different breads.  They do some whimsical, awful skipping down a road and I want a truck to roar down that charming country road and mow them down mid-skip.

They have a picnic and Courtney tells Ben a bunch of B.S. about how all the drama with the girls is in the past and how she “tried really hard to be nice to them” and they attacked her.

Then, at dinner, Courtney brings up the other girls again and says she feels “badly” that the experience brought out the worst in her.  She says a lot of stuff about how she has her guard up but doesn’t want Ben to think she’s fake.  Ben says that he’s not concerned about that because he knows how real she is. Oh, brother.

Courtney sweet-talks him into forgetting that he had any concerns whatsoever about her behavior.  Ben says he was having “huge doubts” but now he doesn’t since she owned up to her actions. Sigh. I have to hand it to her, this lady is smooth. To borrow a phrase from David Spade, she could sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman in white gloves.

Ben asks Courtney to join him in the Fantasy Suite and she accepts.  Her baby voice is in full effect and I am struggling with the urge to fast-forward.  While they’re making out in a tiny, outdoor hot tub, Courtney says she feels like she’s “in a fairy tale.” A slutty fairy tale?

WHOA, Kacie B. shows up in Switzerland to talk to Ben! Oh, laws, I hope she doesn’t embarrass herself!

Kacie appears to be teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown but she pulls herself back from the brink and asks Ben to tell her “what happened” between them. Ugh, no, Kacie, don’t do this. This is why immature, naive 24-year-olds should not be allowed on TV shows.  Ben gives her a pretty honest answer that he couldn’t have given her all of the things she needed given her values and his, well, lack of values. Kacie says she wishes she could have spoken to him after the hometown date and implies that she would have been willing to shack up with Ben despite her parents’ feelings.

Oooh, now things get good! Kacie tells Ben that “if you were to choose Courtney, you’d get your heart broken.” Ben asks why and Kacie says that based on her observations of Courtney, “she’s in it to win it,” and notes how Courtney has made comments about the existence of other fish in the sea.  Gasp! Ben has a look on his face as if he’s smelling dog poop as Kacie is talking.  He is not buying what she’s selling.  Ben tells Kacie he “needs a minute” and walks her out. And that’s that. She apologizes to him (why?) and he looks pissed at her. Then he doesn’t even say goodbye and closes the door on her. WHAT?!  Kacie, who is proving herself to be kind of a nut, lies down on floor of the hotel hallway on her back and stares at the ceiling. Kacie, go get some fondue, buy a watch and a coo-coo clock, and get your ass back to Tennessee and stop spending your remaining mental health worrying about this dud. I mean, really!

Rose ceremony time.  Chris Harrison wanders in and interrupts Ben’s staring-at-women’s-photos session. He and Ben sit down and Ben whines about how conflicted he is by Kacie’s revelation.

Before handing out the roses, Ben gives a big speech about how he has to decide “which life” he wants and blah blah blah who cares.  Lindzi gets the first rose, which is interesting.  Ben rocks back and forth on his heels and the remaining two women look supremely uncomfortable.  Then, in a move that surprises exactly no one, Ben picks Courtney.  Oh, the dumbness!  When Ben asks Courtney if she’ll accept the rose, she says, “mm hmm,” like she’s annoyed.

Ben walks Nicki out.  To be honest, poor Nicki got the bummest of the bum deals because he slept with her, like, yesterday and is now dumping her.  That’s a pretty fast turnaround. Ben walks her out and tells her how “incredible” she is but how he “started to have doubts.” He doesn’t explain what his doubts were, but I bet they involve Courtney’s boobs.

In her Pensive Cab Ride, Nicki boo-hoos and says she feels like a fool for falling so fast for someone who didn’t feel the same. Yeah, that’s pretty embarrassing, Nicki. Overall, though, her cab ride is not that bad.  On a scale from one to Kacie B., it’s like a five.

K, next week is the Women Tell All and then the week after that is the FINALE. Can’t wait!!!

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