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Two people I don’t care about get married.

I have been encouraged by friends to live blog Jason and Molly’s wedding on ABC — you know, the past Bachelor and the girl he ended up with after dumping on live TV the first girl he proposed to.  Yeah, them. So I’m watching it, and granted, I didn’t watch that season of the Bach, so maybe I am missing something, but so far, this wedding show is so boring that I don’t even have anything to say about it.  I think even ABC realizes it’s boring (example: before going to commercial, dramatic voice-over says, “and next — will the rain ruin everything?” on top of dramatic music).

I am a sucker for wedding shows, but I prefer the kind where the bride is a horrible monster and the groom is an idiot and the wedding ends up tacky and draped in Swarovski crystals and crepe paper (see, e.g., Bridezillas, Rich Bride Poor Bride, Platinum Weddings).  This wedding, while obviously uniquely tacky given that it’s televised on ABC and was spawned by the Bachelor, is lacking that certain je ne sais qua that, say, your Bridezillas or your Rich Bride Poor Bride has. There’s no one shrieking at harried bridesmaids, there are no tiara fittings, the cake isn’t bright pink. It’s all pretty disappointing.

Now Jason’s groomsmen are giving really awkward speeches and Molly’s friends are giving her disingenuous “wedding night advice.” I can’t really take this anymore. Seacrest out.