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Rosie blabs on Oprah

Rosie O’Donnell was on Oprah today. Why does this woman keep being invited onto TV shows?  Hasn’t she made it pretty clear that she’s not someone you actually want on your TV show? Oprah should know better! Plus, I keep thinking of that Maya Angelou quote that Oprah always repeats: “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” I definitely believed Rosie the first several times.

Anyway, the whole Oprah visit was Rosie blabbing on about her life and her kids and her new girlfriend and whatever, but all I could focus on was that she used the word “authentic” about 1600 times. It was distracting! I hate it when people abuse buzzwords and this was the worst kind of buzzword abuse: celebrity buzzword abuse. What does it mean to “live your most authentic life,” anyway?  Is this like the new millennium version of getting in touch with your inner child? I sort of suspect it actually has to do with doing what is convenient and easy for you, such as breaking up with your partner with whom you have several children because you like to vacation in different places.

Maybe I’m being unfair. I don’t know Rosie. But she puts herself out there and insists on sharing her opinions, so I feel entitled to draw some conclusions from all the noise.

Final comment: what planet does Rosie live on where she hears people speaking the way she imitates them? We all remember when she impersonated the Chinese language on The View. It went a little something like this:

And today, she did an incredible — and I mean that literally — impression of her now 14-year-old son when he was a young child explaining his conception of adoption. This is the verbatim quote out of Rosie’s mouth: “I grewed in another mommy’s tummy, but God looked in and seed you and knewed we was a good match.” Grewed? Seed? Knewed? Did her child learn English from a 1930s comic strip? I mean, what kid born in the universe actually talks like that? That’s like when Toys ‘R Us insists on writing the “S” in its name backwards. Do you know ANY child who actually writes backward S’s? Come on.

Please don’t let Rosie come back to TV for real.


Yello!

Hi everyone! Welcome to my new reality TV blog. I am super excited to be sharing my TV musings with you all.

Tonight’s a big night for me on the reality TV front: there’s a new Jersey Shore AND a new Real Housewives of Orange County on, at the SAME TIME. Thank God my DVR is there to prevent me from having to make the painful Sophie’s choice between the two. Crisis averted.

Since there will be a lot to write about after tonight,  I thought I’d use my first post to give you all an idea of the kind of shows I watch and love, so you’ll know what to look forward to here. In no particular order, here are just a few of my current favorites:
  1. The Bachelor: On the Wings of Love: a spectacle of human neediness, fame-whoring, and vapidity that manages to combine, improbably, awkwardness, cattiness, and romantic cliche. I don’t normally watch the Bachelor (the last full season I watched was 8 years ago, when I was 19 and watched such things in a big group of girls) but I’ve already been sucked in by this season, which involves a “commercial airline pilot”/actor named Jake who seems at once sincere, socially awkward, and dimwitted. But he’s hot, so it works. And, needless to say, the women are all awful, heinous human beings.
  2. The Real Housewives franchise: Orange County, Atlanta, New York, New Jersey: I watch ’em all. I can’t decide which cast is my favorite – they’re all so unique and wonderful in their own way. It’s kinda hard to beat the Italian, big-haired, fake-boobed, teetering-on-the-brink-of-psychosis vibe that the wives of New Jersey had, though.  Two words: table flipping.
  3. Jersey Shore: Indescribable (much like “The Situation”). “‘The Situation’ is indescribable. You can’t describe ‘The Situation.’ ” — Michael, “The Situation,” describing the situation, Episode 1. Please see http://tmagazine.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/17/the-jersey-shore-handbook/?scp=2&sq=jersey%20shore&st=cs
  4. Oprah: Come on, it’s Oprah. You have to watch her. And we only have her for another year and a half, so no excuses.
  5. Parental Control: one of many ingenious MTV shows that mashes up teens, sex, and parents. MTV describes the show this way: “In each episode, concerned parents will be setting-up their precious son or daughter on two handpicked blind dates. And now, Mom and Dad will be meeting with the potential suitors at the MTV offices, where the boys and girls will do ANYTHING to impress them. If Mom and Dad have their way, one of these hot new daters will charm their kid into dumping their old boyfriends or girlfriends. And if this isn’t hard enough for the current flame to deal with, they’ll be watching every moment of these sexy and outrageous dates with the very parents who want them gone.” Trust me, it’s awesome. And, it’s completely scripted and staged, which somehow makes it more entertaining, not less.
  6. Teen Mom: This is a spin-off from the earlier, successful MTV show “16 and Pregnant,” the title of which speaks for itself. You can also probably guess what Teen Mom is about. The trials and travails of teenage mothers makes for great, if not depressing, TV.  One particularly intriguing/vile character is Farrah, a cheerleader who had a baby who she has unceremoniously dumped upon her parents so that she can be free to go out and date creepy, older foreign dudes — you know, so she can just be a “normal teen.”
  7. Secret Lives of Women: this show has first-person accounts from women from all walks of life — but mostly from bizarre walks of life. Each episode has a different, salacious theme, including husband beaters, women of erotica, mail-order brides, polygamists, cultists, child brides, and mothers of murderers. It’s very educational.
  8. The Millionaire Matchmaker: Patti Stanger, professional matchmaker and semi-professional nutjob, sets up millionaires with gold-diggers. Sparks fly.

Of course, this is just a sampling of the veritable smorgasbord of reality TV shows on the air now.  There’s a lot out there, guys. Get excited.

I’ll catch you on the flippy-flip.