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Stop cryin’, bro.

Here’s the thing about Jersey Shore. I still like it, but it’s getting kinda tedious. Same crap, different week. Every episode arc is like: Sammy/Ronny fight + GTL + grenade dodging + Snooki doing something while wearing fuzzy slippers outside + drunken fight at Karma + night vision shots of people sloppily making out + Sunday dinner. The end.

This week was no exception. Since there were no major plot developments, besides the extremely flimsy stripper pole that they added to the house, I’m just going to tell you who I’m liking and not liking right now.

My like list:

JWoww: So, I still irrationally like JWoww, even though by all accounts she can be kinda backstabby, cheats on her boyfriend, and has the most terrifying chesticles in the world. But, what can I say, I like her and her horrible life choices.

Deena: My love affair with Deena continues to blossom. She’s unabashedly ridiculous and kind of a drunk, but hey, who isn’t, right?

Pauly D: Love him. That is all.

My dislike list:

Ronny and Sammi: I have no words for how awful and boring they are. Except “awful” and “boring.” Why did Sammi tease us with the promise that she was leaving the house this week, only to stay? Ugh. And why, when she told her mother on the phone that she had punched her boyfriend in the face, was her mom all, like, “oh well, that happens”? UGH!!! And Ronny? STOP CRYING. Honestly, dude was crying for like 60% of the episode. And never before have I heard so many usages of the word “bro” interspersed with so many sniffles.

My neutral list:

Everyone else. Even the Situation has crept up from being actively disliked by me to being tolerated.  Progress!

Snooki goes to jail

“Obviously, us together is unhealthy. But some relationships, like unhealthy makes them grow stronger. So maybe hopefully, we’re gonna make it through together.” — Ronny, referring to his relationship with Sami

Friggin’ idiots.

And that’s pretty much all I have to say about Jersey Shore this week.

Okay, that and the fact that all the girls in that house except Sami have serious drinking problems. Like, I’m scared for them. In this single episode, Deena got kicked out of the club after falling off the stage, Nicole got arrested on the beach for being drunk and disorderly, and even my girl J. Woww, who is by far the most responsible chick in the house — she’s like the Hillary Clinton of Seaside — PEED behind the bar at the club in this week’s episode. Let me just make sure that’s clear: she PEED INSIDE on the FLOOR at a BAR. In what world is that acceptable? I mean, besides the Jersey Shore, which is clearly an alien planet populated by super drunk, super tan aliens.

Speaking of this, I saw Snooki interviewed on the Today Show (she briefly got to co-host with Matt Lauer – this is how you know the sh*t has hit the fan, societally speaking, by the way) and Matt Lauer was like, “Do you have a drinking problem?” (Tough interrogative journalism! You go, Matt Lauer!) And Snooki was like, “No! I’m 23 years old!”, as if that’s an actual explanation for her behavior. Because we all know it’s impossible to be an alcoholic until you’re, like, 40. But no, come on, being 23 is really not an excuse for Snooki, especially considering that a fair number of Jersey Shore denizens probably die in their 30s of cirrhosis/hot-tub poisoning/sand-borne STDs.  23 is like 78 to them! Snooki, get help!

K, this entry is gonna be short because there’s not too much else to say about these peeps. See you next week, when Snooki’s out of jail!