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Say yes to the codependency

I have a theory about men who insist on being involved in their bride-to-be’s wedding dress selection process: they are either control freaks or gay. Or both.  There is no other explanation for why a man would feel the need to have “input” on his future wife’s wedding gown. If he loves her, he should be willing to marry her in a burlap sack, in my humble opinion.

Tonight I switched on Say Yes to the Dress because after five minutes of watching the ridiculous opening ceremonies of the Vancouver Olympics, I had pretty much gotten my life-time fix of dancing totem poles and giant, lit-up polar bears and realized I would rather watch a show about high-maintenance women trying on wedding gowns.

So, one of the women on the episode, Lisa, says at least five times that she needs her fiance, John, to give input on her wedding dress because “I just can’t make a decision without him.” I am not sure if that means she can’t make any decision without him or whether it means she can’t choose a wedding dress without him, but either way, it ain’t good.  Then she says, while trying on a dress, “I love this dress but I am pretty sure John is going to hate the ruching at the bustline.” What? What man (who is not pursuing a career in fashion) gives a crap about ruching at the bustline? How many men even know what ruching at the bustline means?

So, in walks John and if this man is not gay as Christmas, I’ll eat my shoe.  Okay, I’m not wearing shoes, but I would eat one if it turned out this man was not actually gay. Direct quote from John: “She always gets compliments on the clothes I pick out for her. I must have a natural eye for it.” Shades of Corky St. Clair and the lovely pantsuit he bought for his wife Bonnie, am I right?

Anyway, don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that just because a man expresses an interest in fashion he’s necessarily gay, but coming into the wedding dress changing room and criticizing the ruffles and the ruching reveals a whole other magnitude of interest.  Also, I love gay men, especially those with an eye for fashion, but I just don’t think they should be getting married to women. Call me crazy.

Even if, by some miracle, John is not gay, he should not be meddling with his fiance’s wedding dress selection and being such a turd about it. He dismisses the first dress that she liked out of hand and she eagerly tosses it aside, desperate to please him.  This can’t end well. He then goes on to dismiss several other dresses, including the one with the ruching, which is her favorite. He looks her up and down, raises an eyebrow, and says, “Well, you know how I feel.”  And that was that.

Men: listen up. Stay out of the changing room and let your wives-to-be pick out their own dang dress! You can pick out the floral arrangements at the wedding if you want a hand in the aesthetics! And that’s all I have to say about that.